Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Insert Branch Davidian Joke Here

A couple weeks ago, I went to Facebook and asked:

If I were to head to Waco for Spring Break, what are some cheap and free things I could with an 8-year-old?
Of course, some smart ass had to chime in with "join a cult!" which made me realize ... the David Koresh thing went down in 1993. More than twenty years ago. To put that in perspective: most current college students were not even alive when the Branch Davidian jokes were making the rounds. We're old, my friends!

J and I declined to join a cult while we were in Waco but we did take up a couple other Facebook suggestions. 

We started the day at the Mayborn Center.

The traveling exhibit was Magic School Bus related and, I mean, HELLO. Had to check it out. 

J thought he was a little old for it and was feeling kinda down (on the other hand, I was all: MISS FIZZLE!!!!). Until we hit the rest of the museum. 

He LOVED it. Loved. 

Some stuff is more "little kid" than others but there was PLENTY for a too-cool-for-school boy to get excited about. 

I'd actually been to the Mayborn Center well over a decade ago and certain things came back to me as I walked through it. It was way more fun to experience it with my own kid though!

I let J pick where we ate lunch. 

Now. I wanted George's. I wanted a Big O an I didn't want fast food. The boy, however, wanted him a Whataburger and who am I to say no to that?!?

It wasn't George's but it was super good. And that particular Whataburger was in an area that brought back a lot of memories. "My dad and I used to eat here a lot ... I went to this Fazoli's with my boyfriend all the time ... We went to that McAllister's a lot too!"

Following our lunch, we hit up the Texas Sports Hall of Fame. We were the only people in there! Literally had the place to ourselves!

Aaaaaaand check out what we saw! At the TEXAS sports hall of fame!


They had a sports simulator that J absolutely loved and that's where we spent most of our time. 

Fun stuff. 

After the museum, we visited my dad at the cemetery then went to the Baylor campus. 

You want to know how to feel old?

Enter your mid-30's. Have spawn. Take said spawn to institute of higher learning where everyone is, on average, 15 years younger than you. 


We were staying at my brother's house and, on the way back, I stopped to introduce J to some Bush's Chicken and, more particularly, their sweet tea. 

A big reason I wanted to visit central Texas in the spring was due to the possibility of seeing BLUEBONNETS. Hands down, my favorite thing about Texas is bluebonnets in the spring. They're gorgeous. 

We were warned we probably wouldn't see any because of the rough winter. Buuuuut. Right across from my brother's house .... 

(That "Cutie!  Imma keep you!" is my nephew, whom I like to refer to as Big Mike)


(Yes, I'm linking to a Google image search and I'm not even sorry for it.  Bluebonnets are amazing.)

These are nothing like what they'll be in a couple weeks in full bloom but, still! I wasn't expecting to see any so the beginnings of a few ... well ... all the heart-eyed emoji. 

We left central Texas the next morning but not before a stop in West for the best kolaches in North America.

Ahhhhh. They did NOT disappoint. So good! If you're ever in West, Texas, get thee ass to The Czech Stop. You won't regret it it. 

And that's a wrap on our spring break travel! 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Won't You Take Me to Funkytown

Having three kids is wonderful. And crazy, chaotic. Amazing. Awesome.  Pick your adjective.

And it also makes things very hard to have one-on-one time with each child. 

However, my Jaybird has been having a bit of a tough time lately and was really needing some one-on-one attention. Spring Break was last week so, on Sunday, he and I loaded up and headed south. Texas bound. 

Our first stop was AT&T stadium since, apparently, I'm raising a little Cowboys fan. My dad would be proud. 

(And not going to lie.  They have D Mac?  GO COWBOYS!)

He was one happy boy. 

Later, we headed to Ft. Worth where we met my cousin Storme for nachos, margaritas, and $2 green beer. 

Then we went back to her place and when going through my pics, I found this:

About right.

(Also, I really don't like Bud Light but DFW convenience stores? Ease up on the price of your beer, yo!)

Monday morning, we got up and headed to the Stockyards to meet my friend Vanessa and her daughter. 

I LOVE THE STOCKYARDS. If you're ever in the DFW area, it's a must. A MUST. 

We had some (10:30 am) margaritas, watched the cattle drive, and then ... WE ATE. 

Vanessa told me about a little hole in the wall called Thurber Mingus that had amazing burgers. Um. YASSSS!  My burger had a poblano pepper on it! And queso Oaxaca! And cilantro mayo! And it was amazing and angels were singing and all was right in my world. 

My beer was good too. (I had the Allergeez) 

After our amazing lunch, we decided to check out the Ft. Worth water gardens

Try and tell me this pic shouldn't be an advertisement!
These babies are NATURALS!

I'm so glad we went because that place was awesome! Just a ton of fountains which is great if you're an 8-year-old. Or, you know, 34 ...

By the way: it was, like, 82 degrees that day. Oh hey there, HEAVEN!

After the water gardens, it was back to the Stockyards for a visit to the candy store and picking up some souvenirs. Then we sat in rush hour traffic on southbound 35 forevahhhhhh. 

All in all ... Great day. Amazing day. Magical day. 

Might even called for a duck face selfie ...

Friday, March 13, 2015

How to Break Up in the 2010's According to Most Girls

A friend of mine mentioned a few days ago that you can almost always tell where a woman's relationship is (i.e. if it's in the crapper) by what she posts on social media.


I mean, occasionally you get the crazy couple (my favorite!) who play out their drama for all to see and you happen to not be busy at work that day and you're all, "OMG, THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!" and you're scared to put your phone down for fear that you'll miss another cheating accusation or him calling her a filthy whore yet again.  And you might even text a friend and be like, "I have a meeting at 10:30 but Sam and Sally are fighting on Facebook again and SCrEENSHOTS!"

And then you have the people who never mention anything until suddenly they're tagged in a lovey-dovey pic by someone who isn't their spouse. Everyone is all, "wait, what?" And they're like "yeah, ha ha suckers! The ex and I divorced three years ago!" This is the person I tried to be on Facebook/ Instagram throughout my breakup. Tried to be. There were slip-ups. I can own that. 

Then you have what 99% of females tend to do. 

It goes something like this.

(And, full disclosure, I found several of these memes on my own Pinterest boards because apparently that's where I went to fly my passive aggressive flag in the early stages of the Big D.)

1) Begin posting memes that let everyone know you're incredibly unhappy in your relationship. 

2) Drop hints about what exactly went wrong. 

3) Now is the perfect time for the "I DESERVE BETTER" meme. 

4) Still Facebook friends with your ex? His family? Let everyone know he married up. 

5) Delete or privatize all pictures of your ex. 

(Side note: even if you don't prescribe to this particular school of "most girlsness," do this anyway.  You'll feel a bajillion times better and eighty million pounds lighter.  Promise.)
6) Oh snap! Friend request from that dude you met on Tinder. Better let him know you are OVER your ex. 

7) You're broken. You were hurt. BUT YOU ARE WOMAN, LET'S HEAR YOU ROAR!

8) And you're ready to move on. 

9) And you have PEACE, dammit!

10) And, just in case there were any remaining questions about your relationship status, drop your married name off your profile. We all know no one ever goes through the hassle of going to the social security office and actually changing it but making it Facebook Official is practically just like filing for divorce these days. 

There ya have it. How to Break Up in the 2010's.

Monday, March 9, 2015

"And Mermaids for One and All!"

Four-going-on-five is easily one of my very favorite ages when it comes to children.  My daughter is there now and while she can be a total Diva McSassy Pants, she's also bubbling with personality and innocence and imagination and I wish I could bottle it up and bring it back out when she's 14-going-on-15.
Yesterday.  Home.  She and I were laying on the couch together and she told me she wanted to pray:

"God is listening ... God is listening" (the song they sing at school)
"Thank you, God, for this day
And for puppies. 
And nail polish.
And mermaids for one and all!"


That's why four-going-on-five is amazing.

Even when they think they rule the house or get into your makeup while you're in the shower or take your tweezers and attempt to pluck their own eyebrows . . .

Don't worry, that bout with hair removal was short lived.
Wish I could say the same for the hair on her head and a pair of scissors . . .

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Post about a Dress. But Not THAT dress.

For the record, that dress was white and gold and the best thing about it was the memes it inspired:

Wait. Is this one racist?!?


Anyway, we're all sick of that ugly dress and it's so last week anyway. So today I'm going to talk about another dress. My Little Black Dress. My "if this dress could talk" dress (even though, frankly, it's been a lot of places but has had a rather tame existence.)

Several years ago (2002? 2003? 2004?), I went to a high school prom as a chaperone. Or, rather, as the date of a chaperone. I needed a dress. Nothing too prom-y. I was in my early 20's, not much older than the high school kids, and didn't need to look like I was a student. I picked up my first Little Black Dress. 

Best clothing investment EVER. 

I wore it to that prom. 

And I've worn it several times over the years. It's truly a timeless fashion and seems to remain flattering regardless of weight gain or loss. 

It's been on a cruise with me. To Vegas with me. To countless other events. 


Holy flattering "only pic I have of me in that dress on the cruise" cruise pic!
Also nice early 00's hair!


I bought it, as I said, when I was in my early 20's. And over a decade and three kids later, I like to think I can still - sorta -rock it!
Apologies for the makeup-free picture

Thank you, LBD, for being there for me.
For flattering me.
For being the ultimate date at any event. 

Here's hoping I can still rock it when I'm knocking on the door to 45 ...

Monday, March 2, 2015

Great Gatsby Night

We'll get this out of the way first: I've been dating someone for a few months now. He may crop up in pictures from time to time but I'm choosing not to really write about him. And I feel weird including this paragraph but felt like I should address it head on rather than just throwing out pictures with a mystery guy in them.


Now that's out of the way -- Great Gatsby night!

My guy friend works for a company that's in the process of basically shutting down. They're going from 300+ employees to about 30. And Saturday night was their farewell party -- complete with a Great Gatsby theme, open bar, and casino. 


You can't REALLY see my outfit but I was totally rockin' the 20's gear.
Okay.  So I was kinda sorta maybe possible rockin' something close to 20's gear.
Seriously, I only really knew one person (I'd previously met a couple others) but everyone was warm and friendly and, let's be real, get enough liquor flowing and everyone is a social butterfly!

The food was typical banquet food -- chicken and roast beef and various different types of potatoes and THE BEST SALAD I HAVE EVER HAD EVER IN MY LIFE. And I'm not a salad person! But, yes, banquet food but quite good. Definitely worth the wait at the end of my 10-Day Diet Tunnel. (Ugh. Diet is back on today.) The deserts were tiny little shooters and were delicious. My favorites were banana pudding and tiramasu. 

The highlight of the evening, hands down, was the casino. Everyone was given chips and we lucked out to be at a table with the world's most "idgaf" blackjack dealer. He was awesome and while we kept sneaking him Crown and Coke, he kept sneaking us $100 chips.

I can't say I've been to very many themed parties but this one was seriously just so much fun.  The meal!  The open bar!  The casino!


A couple hours after dinner, when everyone was in the thick of gambling, waiters began to circulate the room.

What were they serving?

This is Memphis, okay?

The south.

Possibly, like, the forehead of the dirty south.  Keep that in mind.


No lie.  They were passing out chicken tenders.  With a napkin.  For you to nibble on while playing Blackjack or Roulette.  ANNNNNNDDDDDD they would even bring you out ranch dressing (because SOUTH) to dip them in if you asked nicely and batted your eyelashes.

Seriously, it was such a good and fun night.

I already told my friend we're going to hit up the ball room at the Hilton every Saturday night to see if there's a party we can crash ('cause SERIOUSLY that banquet food, doh!)

Good times.  Good, good times.

And, P.S., you can't see much of my outfit but I had the head band and the beads and the strappy shoes and the first pair of stockings I'd bought in probably ten years.  I doubt Jay Gatsby would've approved but maybe he wouldn't have completely kicked me out of his party . . .